This is the end.
Today, after 5 years of going steady with you, i have decided to call it off.
Don't think that just because you are going through a low phase, i am chickening out. I don't mind you losing to him , be it ocassionally or often. It wouldn't have mattered if i could have atleast seen you fighting it out, like the warrior you used to be, that i so aesthetically worshipped and loved. Last time you did it, i thought i should give you another chance. Probably it was one of those bad days. You are human afterall. But this time you have left me ashamed and shattered. I can't go on defending you in front of this world forever. Especially now that i have myself started doubting you.
What happens to you when you see him? Why do you suddenly become this docile lamb ? Your legs stop moving , your face turns white and your body starts betraying fear. FEAR. That is something i never thought could overpower you. You know when i saw you for the first time , what pulled me towards you? Your eyes. They exuded fearlessness, a promise to bring the world to me. I knew you were the one. And soon the roller coaster ride began.
I can't deny that you have given me the best moments of my life. And i couldn't have loved you more for it. Those round the world trips with you were sheer adrenaline. France, Australia, England, America. I couldn't have asked for more. You kept all your promises, fulfilled all my desires. I couldn't have been more proud of you.
It wouldn't have mattered if he was actually better than you. But he is NOT. And this is my problem. People often say 'i could have done that' or 'i should have been number one', but that makes absolutely no sense. If you have it in you , prove it. Show it to the world.
Now i would have to tell you something which i am afraid would break your heart. Yes, it is him. The one who haunts you day and night and the one who is your biggest rival . I know you have suspected it for some time. But please understand that i couldnt help it. It just happened.
Well by the time I am finished with this letter, you would have lost the Wimbledon and of course me.
Your loving fan
Tanaya
