These are some indispensable tips for all the unfortunate tennis players with underdeveloped (read: absolutely miserable) serving skills like me.
1. While serving, tap the ball at least 20 times, then on the 21st time, pretend that you couldn’t catch the ball and begin the lengthy process again (after all i need to get my rhythm right..! )
2. Now finally toss the ball but 5 times higher than normal. Catch the ball and give your opponent a sheepish grin(sigh..today is just not my day)
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 till your opponent's face starts turning a brilliant red (now now..relax dude..i swear i am not doing this on purpose.!)
4. Now if your aim is good, toss the ball, pretend losing your balance and let the ball drop on your shoe to rush in a crazy random direction. (ball..!what's wrong with you..??)
5. With a look of disbelief, rush towards the ball. (ball..! i am going to kill you..!)
6. As you near the ball, let it get kicked by your “clumsy” foot, sending it speeding to the farthest corner of the court(ball..! i am going to completely wipe off any traces of your worthless existense from the face of this earth..!)
7. Spend a good 5 minutes looking for the “lost” ball and then call out to your opponent, “hey buddy could you help me out!!”(grass.! i know you have swallowed the ball!!)
8. As soon as the opponent, muttering incoherent things, starts coming towards you, give a yelp of sheer ecstasy, raise your hand with the ball in it like the Wimbledon trophy and yell -"got it dude!!" (sob..i have lived for this moment..!!)
9. Get into the serving position; give a look of supreme concentration then suddenly look down and start the aboriginal dance to try stamping the imaginary insect trying to climb your feet. Smile with smugness after having “crushed “the distracter. (ahem..!)
10. Now with fire in your eyes and a Venus William look on your face, shoot your 20 km per hour serve and watch it whoosh past the disgruntled opponent. (sob sob sob..this is the greatest moment of my entire life..!!)
Go home and tell dad how many aces you hit and watch his face break into proud smiles (just for you dad :))
