MUMBAI (PART 1)

And she never saw the the daylight again.....

No, this is not the tragic ending of one of those ubiquitous stories. This is what i have been going through since i landed up in Mumbai.

I come from a place where umbrellas are meant for protection against sunlight. Monsoon is an eagerly awaited, hardly encountered phenomenan. And when the rains do come, the entire city takes an off. Work is forgotten, school is bunked, household chores are abandoned and families venture out for elaborate picnics.

Two weeks in Mumbai have completely changed my concept of monsoons.

The red umberella has now found a permanent place in my life. Sunglasses have made a silent retreat.

Fungus has become an unbeatable enemy. Plastic ,my greatest ally.

Weather prediction has become an obsessive passion, wading through the streets, the greatest sport.

It amazes me that how easily and conveniently rains have become a part of my natural habitat and i no longer gasp when i look out of my window.

But all this aside, a resounding irony exists.

"Water water everywhere, nor any drop to drink"

-Rime of the Ancient Mariner

(Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

Yes. Though i am adjusting myself to this abundance of water in my life, there is an acute water shortage in my building.

Way to go BMC..!

THE BREAK UP

This is the end.
Today, after 5 years of going steady with you, i have decided to call it off.
Don't think that just because you are going through a low phase, i am chickening out. I don't mind you losing to him , be it ocassionally or often. It wouldn't have mattered if i could have atleast seen you fighting it out, like the warrior you used to be, that i so aesthetically worshipped and loved. Last time you did it, i thought i should give you another chance. Probably it was one of those bad days. You are human afterall. But this time you have left me ashamed and shattered. I can't go on defending you in front of this world forever. Especially now that i have myself started doubting you.

What happens to you when you see him? Why do you suddenly become this docile lamb ? Your legs stop moving , your face turns white and your body starts betraying fear. FEAR. That is something i never thought could overpower you. You know when i saw you for the first time , what pulled me towards you? Your eyes. They exuded fearlessness, a promise to bring the world to me. I knew you were the one. And soon the roller coaster ride began.

I can't deny that you have given me the best moments of my life. And i couldn't have loved you more for it. Those round the world trips with you were sheer adrenaline. France, Australia, England, America. I couldn't have asked for more. You kept all your promises, fulfilled all my desires. I couldn't have been more proud of you.
It wouldn't have mattered if he was actually better than you. But he is NOT. And this is my problem. People often say 'i could have done that' or 'i should have been number one', but that makes absolutely no sense. If you have it in you , prove it. Show it to the world.

Now i would have to tell you something which i am afraid would break your heart. Yes, it is him. The one who haunts you day and night and the one who is your biggest rival . I know you have suspected it for some time. But please understand that i couldnt help it. It just happened.

Well by the time I am finished with this letter, you would have lost the Wimbledon and of course me.

Your loving fan
Tanaya

TENNIS TIPS

These are some indispensable tips for all the unfortunate tennis players with underdeveloped (read: absolutely miserable) serving skills like me.

1. While serving, tap the ball at least 20 times, then on the 21st time, pretend that you couldn’t catch the ball and begin the lengthy process again (after all i need to get my rhythm right..! )

2. Now finally toss the ball but 5 times higher than normal. Catch the ball and give your opponent a sheepish grin(sigh..today is just not my day)

3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 till your opponent's face starts turning a brilliant red (now now..relax dude..i swear i am not doing this on purpose.!)

4. Now if your aim is good, toss the ball, pretend losing your balance and let the ball drop on your shoe to rush in a crazy random direction. (ball..!what's wrong with you..??)

5. With a look of disbelief, rush towards the ball. (ball..! i am going to kill you..!)

6. As you near the ball, let it get kicked by your “clumsy” foot, sending it speeding to the farthest corner of the court(ball..! i am going to completely wipe off any traces of your worthless existense from the face of this earth..!)

7. Spend a good 5 minutes looking for the “lost” ball and then call out to your opponent, “hey buddy could you help me out!!”(grass.! i know you have swallowed the ball!!)

8. As soon as the opponent, muttering incoherent things, starts coming towards you, give a yelp of sheer ecstasy, raise your hand with the ball in it like the Wimbledon trophy and yell -"got it dude!!" (sob..i have lived for this moment..!!)

9. Get into the serving position; give a look of supreme concentration then suddenly look down and start the aboriginal dance to try stamping the imaginary insect trying to climb your feet. Smile with smugness after having “crushed “the distracter. (ahem..!)

10. Now with fire in your eyes and a Venus William look on your face, shoot your 20 km per hour serve and watch it whoosh past the disgruntled opponent. (sob sob sob..this is the greatest moment of my entire life..!!)

Go home and tell dad how many aces you hit and watch his face break into proud smiles (just for you dad :))

THE MONOLOGUE

I speak and he listens

My eyes sparkling, face animated, hands moving in every direction.
I go on and on, my mind frantically trying to recollect the tiniest of details, determined not to miss anything.

I speak and he listens

He listens with rapt attention, looking intently into my eyes, with an occasional nod at the right places, as if here lays the purpose of his existence.

I speak and he listens

Sometimes looking in his eyes while speaking, I wonder. Is this an act, a facade? Wherein his mind lies elsewhere. Perhaps at this very moment, thinking what to buy for Neha’s birthday or when to get his guitar fixed.

I speak and he listens

Looking in his eyes, I see attentiveness; I see tenderness, and a hint of something even close to fascination. The shadow of doubt disappears.
The monologue continues

I speak and he listens

SENGU..

Rumpled tee,cherubic smile and a halo of curly black hair limning her head..that gleam of mischief in her eye..that "take me away" look that can melt the harshest of hearts..her lame jokes and lousy one liners that fail to conceal a logical and sensible mind..those waves of procrastination that create havoc in her life and leave her "disillusioned" from "marxist theories" and "hume's philosophies"..those moments of introspection and a firm "i am going to change my ways in life" , all in vain..i thank my stars that this adorable rogue rejected her life in Cal to come all the way to Miranda House and gave me the joy of having a little sister

Obituary

We have gathered here today to say goodbye to a jewel on this earth, Tanya.

Tanya did economics honors from Delhi university (90%), Masters in economics from Delhi School of economics (89%), MBA from Wharton business school and Phd from University of Pennsylvania.

She presented world famous papers at IMF, World Bank and UN. She was the economic advisor of 22 nations and chairperson of 46 international committees (both on economic affairs and matters of heart). Tanya won the noble prize for her poverty elimination theory in 2020.

She moved in the international political circles of the world with ease. But not forgetting her duty as a true patriot, she introduced land reforms in Vidharbha, which completely eliminated the farmer suicidal problem and saved millions of lives.
She recently finished her autobiography “an economist remembers”, which instantly became a best seller beating all previous records, even the records set by all Harry Potter books taken together.

She would be desperately missed by the Presidents of most nations for her intellect and her beauty (most presidents got divorced when she was their economic advisor. Coincidence??). Many eligible bachelors have already committed suicide in the hope of accompanying her to the gates of heaven.

She is survived by her husband (again a world famous economist, Prince of Jodhpur, look alike Johnny Depp) and a daughter (currently dating son of Prince Harry).
She shall live in our hearts.(tears)
(applause)

i am writing this in a complete state of exasperation..not having slept for 4 days in a row today..not even a WINK..forced to work till the 25 th hour of the day..my mind is in a perennialy confused state..caffeine has turned into an acute addiction..pigouvian taxes and metzler paradoxes hound me all day..words have started dancing..dyslexia isnt too far away..
i am drifting apart...far away from this world..
hope i survive